In My Free Time

Many days I find it easy to offer my daily life to God.

I willingly offer my cleaning and cooking,

 taking care of the littles,

and my work.

But I realized yesterday that there is one thing I really struggle to offer to God.

One thing I cling so tightly to as mine.

My free time.

For me this is the time when the kids are in bed,

my husband is often gone at work,

and the chores are mostly complete for the night.

Many nights I feel the tug to do some spiritual reading,

play my guitar and write music,

 or just sit in silence and prayer.

Many nights I ignore these promptings telling myself that I have worked hard all day 

and I deserve some down time.

You know because growing in faith and love of God isn't down time. 

It requires thought.
It requires work.

It requires me to continue to give of myself which I spent all day long happily doing.

A few nights ago when I was contemplating on this, I realized the absurdness of it all.

If there is one thing to that will recharge me,

refresh me,

and soothe me...

it is God. 

I know not only do I need to give over my free time for me,
but also for my family. 
What hope do I have of being gentle and kind, my daily prayer, 
if I don't allow God to strengthen me in every aspect of my life?
My children, husband, and the youth I serve deserve the best of me.
They deserve a person who does not yet exist because of the small part of myself I cling onto and haven't given over yet.
And God deserves all of me. 
Not just what I feel like giving Him at the end of the day when I am beat. 
Which is usually nothing.
He deserves my whole day, start to finish.
And my whole self, body and soul.

Oh God in my free time, my "me" time, my relax and unwind time, 

in my down time, my catch a breath time, my settle and rest time 

help me to choose You. 

For nothing else can truly free me, refresh, and recharge me. 

Sanctify not only my works, my mothering, my daily duties, 
but every moment of my life.
Help me let go of thinking that it is mine and give it over to You.
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

Long Over Due Birth Announcement

Sorry for the blog neglect!

I wish I could say that was going to change, but...yeah.

Someone commented on my last blog post the other day wondering if I had the baby.

Woops, didn't I announce that? No?

Well thankfully I am not 2 months overdue. 

I had a beautiful baby GIRL!!! on January 16th.

Gemma Inez Wells

6 lbs 6 oz

19 1/2 inches long

Perfect!

This picture was taken shortly after Gemma was born in our home.

My, how she has changed and grown in the last 2 months!

I have been working on the birth story and hope to have it up soon.

And by soon I mean maybe in another few months.

My two little blessings are keeping me quite busy.

Happily so.

Coming Soon...

This week I will be 37 weeks. It is almost hard to believe. Not that this pregnancy has gone incredibly fast or anything, it is just that I feel so blessed. With losing two babies we might actually get to meet this one and I am so very close! This pregnancy has been more difficult than Dominic's just from being bigger and overweight from the miscarriage when I got pregnant. Also the progesterone shots, ugh, which I am so very grateful for. Overall though, it has been another easy and wonderful pregnancy. 

At 37 weeks, I am feeling almost ready. We are having a home birth, for which I am so very excited! Thanks to the help of my mom and wonderful husband, my house is mostly clean and ready though there are a few projects to do and the clean state to maintain. With the exception of just a few items, our birth kit is almost ready too. I still have no idea what we are doing with Dominic, at this point I am playing it by ear. If go into labor during the day, he will go to my in-laws down the street, but if it is at night I just don't know. He has never been away from us at night, nor should he be at his young age, and I worry he will just be crying and wondering where we are. At the same time, if he is here and wakes up I don't want Geoff to have to deal with him for a long period of time while I am in labor. My mom will (hopefully!) be here too so I think that will be a help. The dream would be he goes to sleep, labor starts, he stays asleep, wakes up and bam! Baby! So I am sure that will happen. 

The biggest joy has been watching Dominic embrace this baby. He is so very excited! He prays for and talks to our sweet baby every day. We also ask him "do you think this baby is a boy or a girl?" The answer use to switch every day and the names use to be very creative from "Baby America" to "Brotius" to his most common name "Baby Blue". Over the past month however, he always says it is a girl, he is convinced (I have no clue) and even refers to "her" with the name we have chosen for a girl. Well except for yesterday when he was trying to convince me that we were in fact having two babies a boy and a girl and he had names for both. Boy would that be a surprise! On a daily basis he talks about the baby and all the cute thing she will do. Today he was talking about how the baby will have a car seat and sit in the back seat with him and how awesome that will be. It melts my heart so much. I can't wait for him to meet this baby for the first time! He is going to be an amazing big brother.

So soon I will get to see what this baby looks like. Will he or she look just like my husband, like Dominic does? How will he/she differ from Dominic as a baby, and in personality? Most of all, I can't wait to see my husband as a father again. He is so gentle, kind, loving, and a true man of God. I could not ask for a bigger gift than to share our lives in the eyes of another child.

Prepare The Way

With the 4th Sunday of Advent approaching and Christmas drawing near, I can't help but reflect on the path that God has lead me on in my life. My whole life I knew only one thing, that I was to be a wife and mother. I didn't realize that God was preparing me with every moment, well every moment I was actually listening and following Him.

I'd like to share my Wednesday with you. Dominic insisted we light the Advent wreath at breakfast, which we usually only do at dinner time. So light it I did and we sang "O Come O Come Emmanuel" and offered our days to God. I had a lot to do that day. I gave it to our Blessed Mother and ask she guide my day and help me get done only what Heaven wanted me to. Geoff had the day off so I was going out Christmas and grocery shopping while Doc and Daddy got some quality time together. I started the day around 11:30 with confession. Feeling pretty good afterwards, I headed to my first stop, a local resale shop. After I purchased a few gifts, I went to the car to realize I locked my keys inside. Fresh off a confession joy, it wasn't a big deal and I called my husband who promptly came to bail me out and unlock the doors.

Next it was off to the local Catholic Gift Store where I was blessed to work for 4 years, actually until the day Dominic was born. I collected the items I needed and right before checkout, my former co-worker mentioned that she needed to go pick up her daughter from school. She was a half hour late and was the only one there to man the store which was having a much needed busy time. I offered to man the store for her if she felt comfortable with it (it had been 2.5 years since I worked there aside from helping out a few times when needed.) She thanked me and said she'd be only 15 minutes and asked the Holy Spirit to help me remember how to run the register and such if I needed. It all came back to me quite easily and I sold $80 worth of goods. When she returned, I told her I had a lot to do and needed to get going but just after check out a gentleman walked through the door. He said hello but passed us and proceeded to go to the back (he was there to visit the boss man). My former co-worker called his name and introduced him to me as a future priest, a seminarian for the Diocese of Madison. We ended up chatting for a little, mostly about the Liturgy. I was very impressed to hear of his orthodoxy and love for Latin, he will be a great priest! The boss man came down and pressed him to tell me about some of the blessings God has given him. He seemed hesitant and very humble about it. The boss man told me this future priest had a gift of healing, spiritual and physical. The future priest expounded a little and told me about some incredible graces God has given him recently, which were so awesome I probably shouldn't share. After an astounding conversation, he ended up praying over me and afterwards, I can't even tell you the peace I felt. He then told me that I am right where God wants me at this moment. He said I am doing a wonderful job in my vocation as a wife and mother and that He called my two babies home to be with Him...God has a plan for our family. It was just what I needed to hear. You see I've been thinking about how one of the hardest adjustments for me with becoming a mother is giving up, or rather changing some aspects of my relationship with God. I can't make it to daily Mass everyday or wisk off to adoration whenever I want and stay all hours of the night. Truth be told I miss these things. But I know that my offerings in my wifely and motherly duties have much merit and can lead me to holiness in the same way, if I offer it all to Him. He reminded me of that. I left the store thanking God for taking charge of my day. Though I hadn't gotten much done and it was getting late, I knew that I locked the keys in my car and offered to man the store because otherwise, this encounter wouldn't have happened. It seems like it's been a while since God has been so blatantly visible in my day. I wonder if God would say that it's been a while since I've been so blatantly visible in His.

This Advent has been a very busy one. As we prepare to celebrate the birth of our Savior as a sweet little babe, i also prepare the way for the birth of the sweet little babe in my womb. The past 34 weeks has sure flown by and I can't believe that hour is drawing so near. We've been doing a lot to prepare the house for our homebirth, though much is left to be done. I feel my prayer this Advent could be better, but I've been trying hard to offer each daily action, each pregnancy discomfort, and each motherly challenge and joy as my prayer. I am feeling so very blessed today and thank God for being here, in my life every single day.

 

Heavenly Father,

You who through the incarnation gave us your only Son

and fulfilled your promise of salvation,

be with me in this time of Advent.

Show me how to be the voice crying out

and prepare the way of Your coming in my home,

in my family,

and in every aspect of my life. Amen.



Due Date

Celebrating today the brief life of our Michael Gerard.

Today would have been his due date

and I am grateful.

Oh so grateful for him.

I can feel the graces from his prayers

washing over our family 

showering us with the love of Heaven.

And what sweet love it is.

I am grateful for his big sister, Ellen

who he prays with unceasingly.

I am grateful for big brother Dominic

who is such a joy.

Who teaches me about the love of God everyday.

I am grateful for the new life growing in my womb.

Precious, sweet, little.

Growing every day.

Mostly I am grateful for the love of a man

who created all these wonderful children with me.

Four.

I am blessed.

God is good.