In My Free Time

Many days I find it easy to offer my daily life to God.

I willingly offer my cleaning and cooking,

 taking care of the littles,

and my work.

But I realized yesterday that there is one thing I really struggle to offer to God.

One thing I cling so tightly to as mine.

My free time.

For me this is the time when the kids are in bed,

my husband is often gone at work,

and the chores are mostly complete for the night.

Many nights I feel the tug to do some spiritual reading,

play my guitar and write music,

 or just sit in silence and prayer.

Many nights I ignore these promptings telling myself that I have worked hard all day 

and I deserve some down time.

You know because growing in faith and love of God isn't down time. 

It requires thought.
It requires work.

It requires me to continue to give of myself which I spent all day long happily doing.

A few nights ago when I was contemplating on this, I realized the absurdness of it all.

If there is one thing to that will recharge me,

refresh me,

and soothe me...

it is God. 

I know not only do I need to give over my free time for me,
but also for my family. 
What hope do I have of being gentle and kind, my daily prayer, 
if I don't allow God to strengthen me in every aspect of my life?
My children, husband, and the youth I serve deserve the best of me.
They deserve a person who does not yet exist because of the small part of myself I cling onto and haven't given over yet.
And God deserves all of me. 
Not just what I feel like giving Him at the end of the day when I am beat. 
Which is usually nothing.
He deserves my whole day, start to finish.
And my whole self, body and soul.

Oh God in my free time, my "me" time, my relax and unwind time, 

in my down time, my catch a breath time, my settle and rest time 

help me to choose You. 

For nothing else can truly free me, refresh, and recharge me. 

Sanctify not only my works, my mothering, my daily duties, 
but every moment of my life.
Help me let go of thinking that it is mine and give it over to You.
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.